Boats, Broken Fingers, and Beer

By Ian Guevara

“No… No this seat won’t do,” my butt was uncomfortable. A picnic bench is not a place to review a beer. When you drink a beer, especially for the first time, comfort is paramount.

“Nah, not this one either,” I sank too low into a very comfortable, outside lounge, too impractical for a beer review.

I was Goldielocks, searching for something just right.

Wait, are those stairs? There’s an upstairs balcony looking over the mountains of Lake Chatuge and the quiet town of Hiawassee. In that upstairs balcony I found the landing spot for my behind. A row of delightfully cushioned outside furniture. Ahhh yes, this is the place. Surrounded by great scenery, great outdoor games, and great beer.

I’ve been to Hiawassee before. The previous two summers to be exact. Each time is better than the last. The first time was the summer of 2020, the pandemic summer. It was the perfect opportunity to escape the confines of those prisons we called homes and enjoy the outdoors where the pesky, but prudent, COVID restrictions were a little more laxed.

That summer I grew to know Hiawassee a little too well. We had a whole crew camping at a small country campground in Clay Country, NC, literally stone’s throw from Georgia. The crew consisted of me, Jonathan, Louie, Mike and Mike (ebony and ivory husbands), Baby Swan, Homelessman, and HMJ (Hot Mom Jon). We collectively yearned for freedom, fresh air, cooler weather, and adventure.

On the very first full day of the trip, we rented a speed boat to zip around Lake Chatuge, drink, eat, and tube at dangerous levels of speed. I drew the short straw and had to pilot the boat, no booze, no nothing. Have you ever piloted a boat for a bunch of drunken jackasses? I have a newfound empathy for that joker who went off the deep end captaining a deep sea fishing tour and keeping his belligerent guests captive at gunpoint for 18 hours.

“Go faster. Get us out of the wake. Slow down. Go over there. Dude, watch out for those other boats. You do know this thing can make tighter turns, right?” God help me.

It was Jonathan and HMJ’s turn to tube. And it was a piloting performance of a lifetime. I took the advice of the drunken fools and zigged and zagged at breakneck speeds, jumping my own wake on several occasions, reaching nearly 75 knots. I pulled the throttle, sharply spun the wheel, and accelerated. A master of my art. The tube on which Jonathan and HMJ occupied slapped a massive wake and popped into the air, sending its two riders flying some 20 feet into the atmosphere.

I was a proud captain who could have saved the Edmund Fitzgerald.

“Oh shit, I think Jonathan’s hurt,” HMJ exclaimed as I brought the boat around to see Jonathan swimming towards us with his hand straight up in the air, a finger obviously in a direction it doesn't belong.

He needed the emergency room and the only one in town was the Chatuge Regional Hospital in Hiawassee, GA. Poor Jonathan, I imagined, was heading to a hospital that hasn't seen modernization since Richard Nixon visited China. Quite the opposite, actually. Its a fine hospital, recently built with a capable staff… that was not able fix Jonahtan’s injury because it required minor surgery, and an xray… and an actual doctor which this hospital did not seemingly possess.

Jonathan eventually got a splint from a larger hospital in nearby Blairsville, ever the trooper, putting off surgery until after the two week adventure. However, the search for assistance led us to explore Hiawassee, Georgia. It has all the little comforts that small-town America offers. A cafe that’s littered with over a dozen 80s arcade games. A small artisanal coffee shop. A seafood restaurant run by Cajuns from Chauvin, Louisiana. And, of course, a brewery. You obviously know where my compass was pointed.

Hiawassee Brew is a gorgeous establishment replete with large tap room, a kitchen, an outdoor seating area, a stage for local musicians, and a balcony looking over the majestic Georgia Mountains. The brewery provides a host of house beers while carrying a taste of the local brews flowing from its taps.

I must have come in at a midpoint between brews because they only had three house brews available at the time I arrived. What better excuse to have to return?

I made sure to try all three of the house brews in my flight, plus two local samples. The house beers consisted of “Slippa Dippa”, “Madam Pele”, and “Midnight Cove”. The other local beers sampled were “Lord Grey” and “TKR”.

Sippa Dippa is a well produced IPA with a crazy beautiful hazy gold glow. The smell provides a pleasant citrus and floral aroma. When you first sip Sippa Dippa, it yields a muted sweetness and fruity taste followed by an equally muted bitter aftertaste. It's a theme now, I know, I have come around on IPAs. I guess It's like the first time I ever tasted a beer when I was the wee age of 7. I hated it. Now I can't live without it. If I end up drinking IPAs heavily while wearing a man-bun and waxing poetically about The Killers, put a bullet in me and end me.

Madam Pele is an atypical Stout with a deep and dark burnt oak brown. Surprisingly light for a stout, Madam Pele lures you in with a liquorice smell and flavor that starts sweet and ends with a cinnamon aftertaste. Because it's a lighter stout, this is definitely a beer to be drunk in pints proudly.

I had the honor to have the very first taste of Midnight Cove, a standard American Lager with some interesting variations and subtleties. My highest rated beer of the set, Midnight Cove is deep in color and flavor, but light and chocolaty. Enchanting the drinker with a light flavor, it absolutely makes itself a Dad Beer Hall of Fame inductee.

Lord Grey Sour comes out of 3 Taverns Brewery in Decatur, Georgia. It shines with a lovely mellow yellow color. A beer that beckons summer, its light, airy, and crispy and starts off sweet then follows with a puckering twist. TKR (pronounced “Tucker”) Pilsner comes out of Tucker Brewing Company in Tucker, Georgia. Dad Beer Alert. TKR is gold in color with a crisp that is screaming at me in German. It's also hoppy, with a floral and slightly bitter aftertaste.

Hiawassee Brew is open from Tuesdays through Thursdays from 11am to 8pm, Fridays and Saturdays from 11am to 9pm, and Sundays from 11am to 7pm. The brewery has an inviting tap room and a large outdoor venue that’s sheltered from the elements by a massive tin roof. Its balcony provides games such as giant jenga, giant connect four, and cornhole. The brewery cooks up some tasty morsels to satisfy your needs with a large menu highlighted by an excellent array of street tacos.