Dr. Bartender or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Brews

By Ian Guavera

A melancholy malaise manifested itself into my soul as I finished packing the last of my belongings from the AirBnB into my truck. I’m leaving Asheville, this beautiful beer Valhalla.

This feeling isn't purely emotional, a tad bit of it is physical, I did just spend five days drinking what I believe is the equivalent to three cases of beer a day. However, I can’t help but feel like I’m leaving a piece of myself in this town… and I don't mean the bundles of hair inexorably shedding from my body in this summer swoon.

No, I feel like I’m leaving a newfound friend. A kinship I never knew I could feel for another city.

But I must be on the road now. And while I’m now on the downhill portion of this trail hoppin journey, I don’t yet have time to exhale. There are still breweries in Western Carolina to visit!

The sun beamed behind me as I drove west, radiating the mountains around Asheville. That melancholy feeling hit me again and I think to myself, I need a beer to process these emotions.

Yeah, I’m definitely not a maniac.

Therapy comes in many forms. There’s not a person alive who’s an impenetrable fortress of emotion and serenity. We all need someone to talk to. A confidante.

Friends and family can help. Clinically trained therapists are probably the best suited. But no one is more well equipped to handle the highs and lows of life for the common man than a bartender.

I mean, the bar probably isn't the best venue to process deep and troubling emotions due to the lack of intimacy of a private setting or, you know, alcohol. Those traumas are definitely the realm of trained therapists. But the little things, those trivial occurrences in life that seem to weigh heavily on a person’s day, are under the purview of the bartender.

Who helps you work through those little arguments with the spouse? The bartender. Who gives you perspective after a hard day at work? The bartender. Who helps you work through cheesy pickup lines for the girl at the other end of the bar? The bartender. Who lends you a smoke, or a light, or a quarter to play that one song on the jukebox to ease the soul? The bartender.

Now, in my late thirties, I don't find myself cozying to the local watering hole like I used to. Sure I still make sure to visit a bar or two on the weekend, but the pressures of fitness, health, a career, and a body that doesn't quite recover as well as it used to make it all the more difficult to make a bar home.

There was a time in my adult youth that I did call a bar home. It was splendidly the worst and best place to be all at once. Tarpon Joe’s Bar and Grill.

Gross would be a kind description for Tarpon Joe’s but it was a home for many of my degenerate youthful behaviors. The patrons at Tarpon Joe’s were a hodgepodge of twenty-something binge drinkers seeking pool, darts, and cheap beer and middle-aged drunks feasting on Miller Lites, pizza, and making lewd comments toward random women.

At the bar were two young men who would shoulder the load of the trivial troubles that try men’s souls: Billy and Jonathan. Yes, the same Jonathan who joins me on many of my beer adventures and who labors editing and posting my stories on this very website.

For all intents and purposes, Billy and Jonathan were excellent bartenders. They were attentive, charismatic, and always ready with a caustic quip to humble you if you got out of hand. There are too many stories about Tarpon Joe’s to share, a book could be written on the regulars alone, but the point here is that their skills as bartenders is the template from which I judge every bartender I come across.

Lindsy and Lisa at Boojum Brewing Company fit that mold and helped me reset and get out of the little funk I felt after leaving Asheville.

I got lost driving into Waynesville, which just added to my increasingly growing foul mood. And while the downton strip of this scenic town was beautiful to drive through, I began to feel like brewery reviewing was becoming a chore.

I parked off Main Street and made my way to Boojum. Opened in 2015, Boojum Brewing Company is located on Main Street in sunny Waynesville, North Carolina. You can’t miss it. The brewery front shines a royal blue banner, advertising its location to the heavens.

It’s a family operated joint that started off simply with a home-brewing kit. The owners are originally from the Florida Keys and would spend their summers in the lush Appalachians drinking beers and enjoying the mountain life… much like me!... except tremendously wealthier.

Each brewery is different. Some are cavernous industrial garages with tap rooms. Some resemble sit-down restaurants with lovely wood floors and classy modern art. Some are a mix between the industrial and the refined. Boojum is more of a sit down restaurant. It houses a lovely and large dining area and an equally large bar, but it was a rather splendid day and I chose the outside bar. I chose wisely.

And there I met a duo of bartenders whose conversation, humor, and hospitality dragged me out of my malaise and right back into the excitement of my journey. Lindsy and Lisa were excited to see me, and they didn't even know me (which I’m sure if I stayed longer that opinion would have changed). Yet they were curious about my journey, asked me where I visited, where I'm going next, and generally made me feel as if I was at home. The mark of good bartenders.

What’s more, they knew their beer. Which is surprisingly something that I found to be a 50-50 roulette after visiting over 50+ breweries. Lindsy and Lisa helped me pick the right eight beers for my review, and they were all splendid choices.

My first flight consisted of “King of the Mountain”, “Boojum Lite”, “Passionfruit Guava”, and “Oak Aged Onyx”. King of the Mountain is a Double IPA displaying a tiger color with a wicked hoppy pop. It’s CRAZY hoppy with a nice sweet undertone that follows. Boojum Lite is a Lite American Lager showing a beer pong color with great clarity and balanced aroma. It’s light and crispy with neutral flavors and no weaknesses. Rounds. Rounds and rounds of beer pong and flip cup. If this isn't the favorite beer of local universities, these kids are uneducated swine.

Passionfruit Guava is a Gose revealing a bumblebee color and a tropical fragrance. This beer is tarty from start to finish with a subtle fruity finish and a nice salty aftertaste. Oak Aged Onyx is an Imperial Stout manifesting a deep pecan color complimenting a vanilla and oaky scent. It has a subtle sweetness to start that’s almost fruity, with a slight coffee bitterness to balance the malty stout.

My second flight flowed with “Get Off My Cloud”, “Mimosa”, “Balsam”, and “Hideout”. Get Off My Cloud is a New England-Style IPA expressing a classic mellow yellow with a wonderful hazy pitch and a juicy citra hop smell. It’s hoppy from start to finish, but loaded with a juicy tropical flavor, and a balanced bitterness.

Mimosa is a Gose proclaiming a cloudy pineapple color with a muted fruity tart scent. It’s light and tart with a balanced citrus and saltiness that's astounding. Well crafted, reminds me of... brunch... hence mimosa. Balsam is a Brown Ale manifesting a bronze color with a sweet and subtle malty smell. Balsam is roasty and sweet to start with a smooth nutty finish.

The beer of the day was the Hideout, a frisky Pilsner parading a straw color with great clarity and a slight hop aroma. It’s incredibly crisp and dry making this a classic dad beer and one for any outdoor excursion. I want to take this tubing, desperately. Hideout would be my tubing companion in perpetuity!

Boojum Brewing Company is closed on Monday and Tuesday and open Wednesday through Saturday from 5pm to 1am and Sunday noon to 9pm. Boojum offers an extensive menu of tasty treats from beer pretzels, to burgers, to quesadillas. The venue also provides open mic nights and karaoke throughout the week.