Valley of the Long Lost Hotcakes

By Ian Guevara

“Remember to like, follow, and share.”

Those are not my words. Well they are but they aren't. I stuttered those words in a hobbly, drunken mess as I walked out the door of the bar…book store… ice creamery. What is this? Who am I? What am I doing here? Is this real? Is this a simulation? Did I just say that? Embarrassingly, and deservedly, I hear the servers mock me as the door swings past me in an epic whoosh. It's been a day in Murphy, NC.

I’ve passed through Murphy several times. The first memory of Murphy comes some 30 years ago while on a boy scout trip to hike a section of the Appalachian Trail. I wanted a classic McDonald’s Breakfast. And I wasn’t alone. Hordes of 11-17 year olds all cheered for a McDonalds breakfast. Their voices bellowing over the CB radios secured to the dashboards in the vehicles of every adult leader in the troop. Not even the voice of reason or mercy could stop us.

Hotcakes, sausages, hash browns, silicon-like scrambled eggs and fluffy, yet dense and buttery biscuits called my name. The Sirens of Odysseus called on us, beckoned upon by the souls of countless who have spent a week traversing the Appalchian trail and who crave comfort in the arms of the grim reaper’s lesser known cousin the grease reaper.

No other meal can compare. Greasy and salty, sweetened by the manufactured syrup soaking into those rubbery hotcakes. Pillowy and crispy hash brown squares consisting of “potato product”. Links of sausage made from pieces of the pig that not even dive bar mason jars would peddle. If valhalla be this, then all berserkers beware.

We were persistent and begged endlessly.

“We have to stay on schedule, don't you want to get to spend more time at the Ryan’s in Meridian,” Mr. Groome attempted to reason with us, catering to our blood lust for large quantities of deep fried and salty foods slopped in an endless buffet. But he failed to think about how time passes for children. It drags endlessly, lurching forward in slow motion, what we think of as adults as simply an hour is an eternity to a child. What they also failed to realize is how loud we can get. Children can whine and bellow enough to cause even the most mild mannered human to reconsider existence.

We succeeded. Droves of Boy Scouts flooded into the Murphy McDonalds like it was the beaches of Normandy. I waited in line barely able to contain myself. Peeking from side to side around the person in front of me, making silent prayers to the fast food gods for them to make their orders faster. Finally, I reached the cashier.

Boy Scouts invade McDonalds - Murphy, NC - 1994

“One big breakfast with hotcakes, please.” I order with baited breath.

“That will be $3.25,” the cashier punched into the register, you heard that right. It was 1994, two scrambled eggs, two hotcakes, a biscuit, a hashbrown, syrup, and a small orange juice cost less that a two liter coke today.

I pull out my little wallet and rip the velcro apart only to find it empty. I spent my money the previous day at the Nantahala Outdoor Center on Andes Mint Ice Cream bars and a book on Taoism that I only bought because it described the philosophy through pictures of Winnie the Pooh. I was seven, by the way, and had no real ability to comprehend inaction, simplicity, and harmony with nature. I liked Winnie the Pooh and Tigger too.

I looked over to Mr Groome who chose to abstain from the fast food debauchery and instead eat leftover pizza from the night before. He shook his head and offered me a slice of cold pizza.

“Chapter three of your Winnie the Pooh book states that ‘Money does not guarantee happiness’ or in your case, breakfast.”

Murphy used to be a one-stop-shop. A sleepy town of maybe 3,000 people, valleyed in the Blue Ridge Mountains, hidden from the world. Murphy was a town where you realized the dream of rustic living, where the real world did not have possession. It was an intersection between abject wilderness and civilization. As I drive through it now, the wave of modernization has crested. It has a Walmart and a Casino, two of the pillars that define progress.

I’m here too early.

Despite the wave of progress, small-town comforts still imbue this town. It’s a Sunday morning and nothing is open save churches and a small restaurant that defies the pull of a simpler life. Modernization is a lovely tool to be used when it benefits your more basal desires, however, it’s reach is only so far. Much of this area provides no business while the church is in service. Jesus has no time for capitalism.

Jesus with absolutely no time for capitalism - Mark 11:15-18

I walk into a bar… or is it a restaurant?… book store? Oh My?!?! There’s a performer out front who should be playing music in a more lucrative position. He’s Talented. I walk in and buy the most expensive two shots of Baily’s coffee ever, sit outside, light a cigarette, and relax. This is the calm before the storm. I have to wait until noon for Valley River Brewery and Eatery to open, but the wait is well worth it. The beer is tasty and the pizzas are delicious.

Located on Tennessee Street in Murphy in the heart of downtown, Valley River Brewery offers a cozy tap room and restaurant where the brew is as well crafted as its wood-fired pizzas. Opening in 2014, Valley River has been a mainstay in Murphy and boasts as the starting line for “The North Carolina Beer Trail”. With over 11 house beers on tap, I had to make an executive decision to only taste eight… That promise to limit myself is broken in about three hours.

Valley River Brewery and Eatery - Murphy, NC

My first flight bubbled with the “Murphy Irish Stout”, “Jackrabbit Blonde”, “Green Dragon ESB”, and the “Amber Knight”. The Murphy Irish Stout displays a deep pecan color with a slight chocolate aroma. It's a surprisingly crispy stout that starts with a hint of chocolate and finishes with liquorice. Jackrabbit Blonde is a Blonde Ale showcasing an aura of yellow with a citrus smell. It’s light and crispy, starting with a subtle citrus flavor followed by a low-key bitterness.

Green Dragon is an Extra Special Bitter that is bronze in color with an earthy smell. It’s very hoppy and malty with a bitterness that leaves me feeling like I licked a penny. Amber Knight is an Amber Lager providing a tinged yam color with caramel smell. It’s an intensely hoppy lager with a sweet brown sugar finish that’s rather delightful and balances out the beverage perfectly.

My second set of flights glowed with the “Ducktown Porter”, “El Hefe”, “Sunshine IPA”, and the “Hanging Dog”. Ducktown Porter is a classic Porter appearing with a hickory color and a chocolate aroma. It tingles with a sweet start with a toffee finish. Sunshine IPA is a delightful Indian Pale Ale exhibiting marigold coloring with a subdued citrus and hoppy smell. It starts off sweet and tangy and follows with a delicate hoppiness. Hanging Dog is a Double IPA emerging with a delicious honey color. It imparts a strong bitterness from beginning to end. This brew leaves no doubts that it’s a double IPA, providing no sweetness to balance the bitterness. Hoppy lovers will crawl through hell for it.

The star of the flights for me was the El Hefe, a beautifully mellow yellow colored Hefeweizen enticing the nostrils with a citrus and banana aroma. Although it's a pretty standard Hefeweizen that starts off sweet, ending with a banana twist, the wedge of orange adds the right depth of sweetness and citrus to make you want to order pint after pint. I definitely did.

And that was how I managed to embarrass myself, promoting the website and writing like I was the second coming of Jack Kerouac. That’s how you learn your limits. May the Brew Gods help me when I get to the Asheville leg of the journey. Can I manage 16 breweries in five days if I’m acting foolishly and impulsive now. Hell yeah!

Valley River Brewery and Eatery is open on Monday and Thursday through Saturday from 11am to 8:30pm and Sunday from 12pm to 8:30pm. The brewery invites you with a cozy interior that feels like home, with blackboards around the bar area allowing for quick changes to the beer and food menus. You’ll always feel welcomed whether it's for a pint of beer or a slice of pizza.