Frights and Flights

By Ian Guevara

I have a secret to share with you: I’m scared to death of clowns.

Don't get me wrong, I’m not afraid of the Joker or other clown inspired comic characters. There’s a difference between your average clown and some guy poorly cosplaying as Heath Ledger. No, I’m talking about circus clowns. The kind with painted faces, little hats, bright colored hair, and seltzer bottles… probably another reason why I stay clear of all seltzers.

I’ve never been to the circus and I have no aspirations to ever attend one. Thankfully the circus is dying out, maybe its extinction will take clowns with it.

I have Tim Curry and Stephen King to blame.

I was a mere lad of six years old. I spent the weekend with my grandparents, being spoiled in classic ways of grandchild spoiling. A trip to Toy’R’Us, a McDonalds Happy Meal, a large bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and chocolate syrup, and best of all, no bath or bed time. Literally the perfect weekend to exist for any six year old.

Mr. Groome slipped into his retirement recliner slumber on the recliner. Mr. Groome would fall asleep every night with the SciFi Channel blaring into the wee hours of the morning where he would eventually rouse himself and sleep in his bed until the crack of noon. He perfected this routine over time, only changed by the introduction of the History Channel and later the Military Channel. The house sounded like it was storming the beaches of Iwo Jima at two o’clock in the morning.

After a particularly amusing episode of Quantum Leap where Sam leaps into a chimpanzee destined for the space program, the late night SciFi Channel Saturday feature film began. I had no idea that I would be changed forever sitting one a an oriental carpet on a Saturday night.

IT was the feature presentation. It started off innocently enough: a red balloon, a little boat int the rain, Georgie, a curiously polite clown, and John Ritter. But by the end of the night, I retreated to my bed, wrapped myself in my The Real Ghostbusters blankets, and stared at the ceiling in fright until dawn broke.

I still get shivers thinking of Tim Curry’s Pennywise. He sometimes haunts my dreams, dressed in drag and singing with Meatloaf. There is nothing more frightening than having a cross genre dream where Tim Curry is the star and is weathering leather lingerie and clown makeup.

Upon the next morning, I was apathetic toward the serving of pancakes and sausage. Mr. Groome asked me if I was ok and I told him what I watched the night before. He assured me everything was alright and coaxed me into eating breakfast and taking a nap. That afternoon, when my Mom came to pick me up, Mr. Groome giggled and handed me a balloon before I left.

That old bastard was the master of torture. I miss him.

So yeah, I’ve never been to the circus because of Tim Curry. Even a billboard for these dying platfroms for animal cruelty and exploitation of carnies send me into frightful shivers. Unfortunately this phobia keeps me away from seeing some of the best parts of the circus, the death defying stunts like lion taming, trapeze, and the high wire.

Which brings me my next brewery. I struggled with the decision to add Hi-Wire Brewing to the list of the brew tour. Despite the endless rave reviews, like a nervous tick, I began to imagine red balloons floating and immediately decided not to go. DAMMIT, I’m an adult! I can’t let a thirty year phobia keep me away from delicious beers!

Located in an old warehouse on Hilliard Ave in the South Slope, Hi-Wire Brewing is a lager-centric brewery that doesn't shy away from its niche. Boy does it have A LOT of lagers. Another “Dad Beer” heaven located in the sunny valley of Asheville. The brewery offers a great look into its brewing operations in the back of the warehouse while providing a comfortable and busy tap room.

Opened in 2012 in the heart of the Brewery District of Asheville, Hi-Wire Brewing taps flow with over 20 different tasty brews. The brewery is growing, branching out with seven other locations, six outside of Asheville, and three more to come. One of the locations coming soon will be in Birmingham, which is close to home, so I’m even more excited to now have yet another reason to visit my favorite State Park in Alabama.

Thankfully, Hi-Wire is a venue that provides flights. This is a particularly sour topic with me on this trip. I’ve been a little flustered by the inconsistency of breweries providing flights. I get that it must be a pain in the ass to clean all those little 4oz glasses, but it definitely enhances the enjoyment of beer drinking.

My first flight consisted of “Hi-Wire”, “Lo-Pitch”, “Palo Santo”, and “Paloma”. Hi-Wire is the flagship Lager possessing light gold color and a bready scent. This beer has surprising and stunning clarity for a lager. It’s light and crispy with a mild yeasty flavor from start to finish. Lo-Pitch is a New England Style India Pale Ale displaying a mellow yellow color with that classic hazy IPA look and citra scent. It’s tropical in flavor to start with a pleasant and balanced hoppiness.

Palo Santo is a Rye Lager showcasing a canary color with a striking rye smell like a lovely piece of a perfectly toasted slice of rye bread. It’s light and airy, with a sweet rye flavor to finish. Paloma is a Fruited Tart Ale revealing an old gold color, a tart scent, and crystal clear clarity. It’s fruity to start with a lasting and satisfying tart to finish.

My second flight flowed with “Bed of Nails”, “Pink Lemonade”, “Banquet Table”, and “Simple Brett”. Bed of Nails is a Brown Ale showing a syrup color and a malty sweetness. Roasty and toffee like to start with a light and airy finish. Pink Lemonade is a Session Sour expressing a peachy pink color and a lovely lavender smell. Just like its name describes, it’s pink lemonade sour, sweet and tart to start with a nice muted sour finish.

Banquet Table is a Farmhouse Saison parading a medallion color and a robust earthy aroma. It’s fruity and earthy to start with an absolutely delightful peppery finish leaving you wanting more just to figure out all of its complex notes. Simple Brett is a Brett Ale exhibiting a straw color with a tarty hit on the nostrils. Tasty. The brew is fruity and yeasty with a tartness that's muted by the breadiness of the beer.

Hi-Wire Brewing’s South Slope location is open Monday through Thursday from 3-10pm, Friday from 3pm to 12am, Saturday from noon to midnight, and Sunday from noon to 9pm. You can damn near find a Hi-Wire tap room everywhere in the south… minus Louisiana. The South Slope location offers a litany of activities from trivia to yoga, which explains why this location is a favorite venue for locals.