No Kids: Half Pints Allowed

By Ian Guevara

There is such a thing as a perfect beer venue. Does it exist? I’m not sure, but Zillicoach is damn near close.

The four consecutive days of relentless beer drinking is beginning to take a toll on this Jerry Garcia look-alike-contestant’s body. What I need right now is to relax, to take it easy, to find zen while still drinking a brew and ripping darts. As much I am enjoying this adventure, the brewery venues begin to all melt together and cease being unique. At this point I just wanted to get this visit overwhith and return back to the Air BnB and catch up on Better Call Saul.

This was my emotional state before my truck lurched over the crest of railroad tracks and my eyes settled upon the Zillicoach Beer Company complex.

There was a bouncer at the gates of the parking lot… ok… but why?

“Do you have any children with you?” the guard asked.

“Uh, no,” I chuckled, “Why?”

“We have to make sure. No children are allowed on the premises,” he answers.

Not that I’ve seen many, if any, children in the breweries I’ve visited on this journey, but there have been a few. And all of the breweries that were loaded with ankle biters and brooding teenagers were ones with large outdoor venues much like Zillicoach.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate children, I am a middle school teacher after all, but it is nice to have a beer and relax next to a rolling river without hearing the wailing of a child who wants only to watch Cocomelon and drink juice.

I read an article a year or two ago about a restaurant in Germany that forbids children on its premises after 5pm. I immediately wanted to purchase a flight to Rugen, Germany just to give them my American dollars just to eat a dinner in peace.

Zillicoach is not anti-children though, quite the opposite. They only wish to keep kids safe from the stretch of railroad tracks and swiftly rolling French Broad River that hugs the brewery’s perimeter… and the neglectful eye of parents who tend to just let their kids run free like wild animals. The brewery does offer a family day on Sunday’s but that’s the only time you’ll find adolescent humans running around the grassy field of this little slice of heaven.

Yeah… that’s the ticket! I’m not anti-child, I’m anti-parent. Which explains my own reticence to talk to parents as a teacher. I’m really selling myself as a terrible educator… oh well, no one’s reading this anyway.

Opened in 2017 by a former head brewer of Hi-Wire Brewing, Zillicoach Beer Company rests majestically off of Riverside Dr in North Asheville. The tap room and brewing operation sits inside a massive warehouse and is surrounded by an expansive outdoor venue replete with picnic tables, food trucks, a grassy field begging for a blanket, and an awesome view of the French Broad River.

I’m yet again befuddled by the inconsistency of the flight rules in Asheville and North Carolina as a whole. Some places tell me there are laws that prevent breweries from serving more than two beverages at a time, while other places just tell me that they just don't want to clean a hundred some-odd 4oz glasses a day. And yet at the same time, just as many breweries serve flights freely and joyfully.

Zillicoach does not have flights, but they do provide half pours. At this point, I think it is serendipitous. I’m feeling the summer heat wave. The culmination of drinking nearly three cases of beer a day for four consecutive days and the unseasonable heat is hitting me hard. So maybe limiting myself and truly savoring a limited selection of beers is a wise choice.

My half pours consisted of “Keller Pils”, “Smoked Maibock”, “Kolsch”, “IPA”, and “Zinnibier”... truly imaginative names. I don't mean to be snarky, all these beers are fantastically crafted beers, but there is something to be said about the imagination of a brewer and his names for his beers.

Keller Pils is a Pilsner displaying a Hay color with a crackery scent. Light and crisp for DAYS with a sweet bready beginning and a slight hoppy aftertaste. It’s become almost cliche by now that I associate good pilsners with baseball, but it's how I feel and don't you dare invalidate my feelings… this is my blog!

Smoked Maibock is a… Smoked Maibock showing an Old gold color and a deep smoky fragrance. Deep and smoky to start, almost unrelenting, like drinking a cold crisp campfire if that’s even possible. The malt flavor is subdued by the start and its’ balanced to the end.

Kolsch is well… a Kolsch… do you see how this is messing with my carefully crafted format of presenting beer reviews? The Kolsch exhibits a lovely straw color with excellent clarity and a sweet aromatic. Clean, airy, and crisp well balanced from beginning to end, the Kolsch is an excellent beer for the outdoors.

Which is exactly what I did with this pour: I stepped out into the sun and grass and enjoyed the outdoors. Thankfully my truck is still packed with all my camping equipment. Not missing a chance to showcase my Saints football fandom, I grabbed my trusty tailgating lounge chair, and with my beer and freshly lit dart, sat on the banks of the French Broad River and watched the afternoon sun sink behind the mountains.

As I sat along the bank, the cool air rolled in, drying my sweaty brow, mellowing me out, and providing for me a second wind! It was invigorating. This was exactly what I needed to conquer the rest of this leg of my beer journey. With four more breweries over the next two days, I found the little slice of nirvana to help me along the way.

IPA is an India Pale Ale (Jesus I sound like I’m explaining beer to an alien right now) parading Stunning dandelion color and a piney hop smell. Classic West Coast IPA with a delicious sweetness to start and hop finish. Ok... yeah... I love IPAs now. I never really thought this day would come. I was convinced that the past three weeks I was just lying to myself in order to sound more unbiased. But it's true, the more I drink them, the more I’m beginning to enjoy IPAs.

My final pour consisted of Zinnibier, a Brett Ale revealing a lovely lemon libation possessing a tart smell. It’s funky, fruity, and tarty. A tasty Brett that explores the complexities of the berry flavor and light tarty berries. I’m really digging this beer and this new foray into Brett Ales. I never tasted one until I reached Asheville and everyone I’ve tasted has been delightful.

Zillicoach Beer Company is open Monday through Thursday from 2pm to 10pm, Friday and Saturday from noon to 10pm, and Sunday from noon to 8pm. With it’s great brews, grassy pasture, river views, and food trucks you’ll be hard-pressed to find a nicer place to kick back and relax.