A Sip of the Surreal

By Ian Guevara

My father and I shared a lot of interest, some learned from him and other times purely coincidental. We both loved the band Rush, Nathan’s Coney Island Franks, Southpark, the movie Old School and almost anything science fiction.

My parents were divorced before I reached the age of six, but it wasn't deleterious to my relationship with my dad, nor did I ever see cracks in the relationship between him and my mother. As my mom put it, they loved each other deeply but just couldn't live with each other.

I lived with my mom, but nearly every Sunday was spent at my abuela’s house having dinner with her, my dad, my stepmother, and my two sisters. I truly was, as still am, blessed with a family free from the dysfunction that divorce usually wroughts, manifests, and scars.

On the weekends that I did spend at my father’s downtown New Orleans Magazine St apartment, we would indulge ourselves in tasty takeout from around the neighborhood, and settle in watching science fiction movies and TV shows.

One of my dad’s favorite shows was The X-Files. Dad and I would engross ourselves into the plane of the surreal and allow our imaginations to run free. Sometimes to my own detriment.

I had… and well… still have an overactive imagination. I’ve already divulged my fear of clowns due to watching IT at six years old, so let's just open up that bag of neurosis and talk about another one of the fears I used to have.

Up until middle adolescents I was scared to death of portable toilets and open hole latrines.

And I had The X-Files to blame.

I was eight or nine years old and dad and I finished off a round of takeout from Five Happiness Chinese restaurant. It was a Sunday night, and naturally on a school night, dad let me stay up to watch agents Moulder and Scully battle the monster of the week. At the time most of the themes and intrigue of The X-Files flew right over my head and I just wanted to watch a show about alien abductions and the weird. The episode titled “The Host” was a little too much for me to handle.

The story is your typical X-Files monster of the week story. An amphibious anthropomorphic parasite called the “Flukeman” is pulling innocent bystanders into the sewers and feeding on them all over Newark, New Jersey. If you’ve ever been to Newark, New Jersey this wouldn’t sound like a fictional story about a Russian Radioactive worm and would sound more like everyday life. Eventually the monster is tracked down and captured by Moulder and Scully. They stupidly place it unrestrained in an detainment van where it, get this, kills the agents and escapes.

Now up to this point in watching the episode I was perfectly fine and thoroughly entertained. However, what happened next in the show would haunt me for years and cause me to refuse to use portable toilets and open hole latrines, even if it meant constipation.

The flukeman escapes to a nearby State Park where it crawls into an unoccupied portable toilet. As a sanitation worker pulls up to suction out the portable toilet, the show sets itself to cut away to a commercial break. The camera slowly dissolves to the inside of the portable toilet revealing the flukeman’s horrific visage peering upward.

That shot before the commercial break, that image, it was seared into my young brain. For the next five years I would never look at portable toilets and open hole latrines the same way. For most kids, this really wouldn't cause much discomfort. How often does one ever really use a portable toilet or open hole latrine? Not often unless you grew up a boy scout going to camp where the only toilets available were holes in the ground with toilet seats.

Every time I had to use the restroom I would just see the image of the flukeman peering upward. I would break out into a rapid sweat and just decide that constipation was much more preferable than being sucked into a hole and devoured. Thankfully I got over this little phobia due to necessity, but I’d be lying if I told you I still didnt think about that damn monster every now and then almost thirty years later.

So why this tangent about The X-Files and the surreal. Well because my next brewery on this last day in Asheville is DSSOLVR. As soon as I entered DSSOLVR, absorbed its aesthetic, read its beer names, and paroused its merchandise, the very first thing I thought about was The X-Files and those cherished nights watching science fiction with my dad.

This is what breweries are supposed to do. At least what I believe they are supposed to do. Breweries are supposed to not only provide physical comfort in the form of tasty libations, but also spiritual comfort, whether that be through its interior design, setting, or general vibe. DSSOLVR hits on all of those cylinders.

Just open their website. It's a trip. Their tagline is “Brewed until surreal” and everything about this brewery screams commitment to that mission statement.

Opened in December of 2019 right before the start of the Pandemic, DSSOLVR is nested on Lexington Avenue right in the epicenter of downtown Asheville. As soon as you enter the brewery you smell the process! The vats of carefully crafted brews are front and center at the entrance. Brewers hustle back and forth, pouring hops, boiling malt, and taste testing liquid with determination and precision.

As I approached the bar I pulled out my “cards” (the Trail Hoppin koozies) and started my little pitch to the bartenders. After the pitch I turn to see a fun dog sniffing my leg and his owner, Mike. Mike and I talk about the beer names and the dope artwork that screams surreal on every piece of merchandise. Mike then informs me he designed all the artwork, which of course I find to be an awesome coincidence and we immediately exchange “cards”.

Beer is an artform. Again, another narrative I’ve waxed poetically before, but after 32 of these stories and infinite more to come, I’m going to repeat these themes and narratives. I can't help it because they are the truth. Not just my truths, but the true reason why I appreciate craft beer. It's wonderfully edible art. Just art with a different medium. Each batch is its own painting, its own mosaic, a canvass filled with carefully crafted stories. The ingredients are the medium, the hops and the malts, they’re the acrylics and oils.

So this mixture of liquid art and digital art at DSSOLVR just enraptured me. If I lived in Asheville, I think this would be my regular spot, my haunt, my home away from home. And I think I would never be disappointed.

Except they too don't provide flights… I guess even the prettiest of ladies have slight defects.

DSSOLVR conveniently organizes its beer menu in categories: Hazy IPAs (FIVE of them), West Coast IPAs (two), Light Side (four), Cask (two), Hard Seltzer (one), Slushies (two), Surreal Sours (SIX of them), Funk Sour/Cider (two), Dark (four), and Non Alcoholic (who cares?).

This categorization made it a little easy for me as I decided to try one beer from each category that matters, you know, the ones that aren't seltzers, slushies, or non-alcoholic. Resigned to the fate of drinking half-pours I dive right into the surreal and care not if I make it sane.

My first set of pours consisted of “Uppercuts and Laser Tag”, “The Hustle is Brutal”, and “Thank You for Existing”. Uppercuts and Laser Tag is a Double Dry Hopped New England Style IPA displaying the classic mellow yellow color floral fragrance and citra pop. Very hoppy and juicy, Uppercuts and Laser Tag starts off with a flutter of floral hints and a nice bitter hit at the end.

The Hustle is Brutal is a West Coast IPA hopped with a cornucopia of ingredients consisting of Michigan Centennial Chinook hops, Cashmere hops, Michigan Copper hops, and Columbus Cryo hops. I honestly have no idea what these hops are and what they bring to the table other than straight up flavor and taste. The Hustle is Brutal shows a marmalade color with an interesting copper and floral scent. Its sweet and piney to start followed by a lasting hoppy bitterness.

Thank you for Existing is an unfiltered Kolsch revealing a Hazy straw color with a sweet slightly fruit smell. It’s light, crispy, and well crafted from start to finish with a muted sweetness at the end. Brews like this, different takes on classic beers, is what drives me to taste every single craft beer I possibly can.

As I walked back to the massive L-shaped bar that defines the beauty of the tap room, the bartender nodded at me with a wry grin.

“What’d you think of Mike,” he asked.

“Pretty cool dude. I dig his artwork, its awesome the graphic designer is down to chat about his artwork and hang around,” I answered.

“Oh Mike? He’s one of the owners,” he added.

How cool is that? I think that says a lot about the man. We chatted for a good bit, mostly about his artwork, my beer journey, and some of the trippy beer names and not once did he mention he was one of the owners. That mild-mannered friendliness and affability just made DSSOLVR even more endearing to me.

My second set of pours were filled with “Put it on a Pedestal”, “Absolutely Aliens”, and “Defy the Paradox”. Put if on a Pedestal is an English Mild reveals a Spice color and a very sweet and malty scent. It’s malty and smooth from start to finish with a nice caramel end for comfort. What made this brew intriguing to me was that it was served at cask temp, giving the vibes of an authentic old English pub beer.

Absolutely Aliens is a 30 month barrel-aged Mexican Imperial Stout brewed with poblano peppers, cinnamon, vanilla, and cocoa. Again, art. Absolutely Aliens is deep, dark, and brooding like batman, with a bourbon tinge and chocolate pop to the nose. The brew is chocolaty and smooth, with a smoky bourbon flavor that isn't overpowering, allowing the other flavors to POP. The cinnamon hits first, but it's balanced out with the vanilla and cocoa, all the while the poblano dances on the tongue. This is absolutely an after dinner beverage with a savory dessert.

The star of my selections was hands down Defy the Paradox. Brewed with mango, watermelon, coriander, and Sea Salt this Gose parades a color resembling a tropical smoothie along with a beautiful clarity simultaneously offering a tart and fruity smell. This delightful beer is Lighl, airy, and salty with that coriander making itself present at the end almost savory. I know, I know, I chose a Gose/Sour as my top beer hare, but listen, THIS BEER SLAPS. I was blown away by it and damn near gave it a 14 on my ratings.

DSSOLVR is open Monday through Thursday from 3pm to 10pm, Friday from 1pm to 11pm, and Saturday and Sunday from 11am to 11pm. The brewery offers a revolving list of events like trivia and live music. What’s more, you can just spend a whole day drinking artwork and viewing the merchandise like it's an art museum. The brews are top notch and staff is knowledgeable and friendly making this a destination for any local or visitor.