Mountains, Monorails, and Memory Loss

By Ian Guevara

I don't want to wake up.

Beams of sunlight peak through the curtains bathing me in warmth. The soft bed comforts my dehydrated body. It’s the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in. I mean not really, but right now it is. I haven’t slept in an actual bed in over three weeks because I’ve been sleeping in a hammock in the middle of the woods. Furthermore, I’m incredibly hungover. I pull myself out of bed and stagger over to the carafe of water left for me by my gracious AirBnB host. One liter is gone in less than a minute. It’s not enough.

What happened last night? I remember Funkatorium… but…

How did I get home? Oh yeah, Uber.

Ok. But how am I so hungover?

Let’s retrace some steps.

As I was tasting at Wicked Weed Funkatorium I stepped outside to take some pictures of one of the beers for a future beer of the day. One of the Sours… they were ALL Sours… but I was trying to find the right angle in the sun.

“What are you doing there, bud?” a bearded bro asked with a thick West Virginia accent.

“Getting a picture for my blog’s social media account.” I answered, then turned around and put on the salesman cap. “I’m hitting up 30 breweries in five weeks and writing about it as I go along.”

I handed them a couple of the “Trail Hoppin” koozies Jonathan amazingly designed and financed. The group was on a bachelor party trip to Asheville, enjoying all the libations and debauchery Asheville offers. After telling a few stories and forgettable jokes (seriously I don't remember) I returned to my table to finish my sampling.

Ok. Then what happened?

Well, we all hit that point. That point in drinking where all sanity and reasoning escapes you and only your Id remains available to consult on important decisions. The ball was rolling, I’m in a new town full of excitement and wonder, why should I go back to the AirBnB right now? What does the night have to offer?

I began to walk down the road. Asheville is beautiful during the day, but it is STUNNING at night… well at least to the intoxicated mind. I’m getting lost, but I don't care. It’s one of the most freeing feelings I’ve ever experienced. I don't have a particular place to go, to be, or to see. I just wandered, like David Carradine in Kung Fu.

I remember entering various bars. I remember talking to various people at various dive bars throughout the downtown area. I remember ordering multiple beers… SHIT rounds of beers… SHIT for multiple people willing to listen to my Albert Finney in Big Fish type tall tales.

I check my wallet. $400 dollars in cash gone… What did I do?

A flash hits me.

That’s right! I ran into the bachelor party bros from West Virginia. Oh man, they were fun.

OH SHIT. I pull out ATM receipts… $400 more dollars.

Nothing. No memories. Just an emailed Uber receipt confirming my return to the AirBnB and a crumpled receipt from Bojangles.

Have I learned my lesson? HELL NO. There will be more days like this. It’s human nature. And, well, it's fun. The financial hit will haunt me for a while… mostly in the visage of ghostly regret. But maybe I made some new fans?

I still don't want to get out of bed. But duty calls… and I’m hungry. I roll out of bed, shower, and set the controls for the heart of the sun… just kidding, I head on over to Highland Brewing Company.

Opened in 1994, Highland Brewing Company lays claim as the first brewery to legally craft beer in the Asheville area. Starting in a basement under a bar in downtown Asheville brewing out of retrofitted dairy processing equipment, Highland eventually expanded to the abandoned Blue Ridge Motion Picture Studies where it literally sits on high land. To get to the brewery you need to wander up a mountain through the woods around a switchback. Incredible.

They made the best of this operation. It is a MASSIVE complex. The compound has everything you would imagine for one of the largest brewers in North Carolina. A tap room, a stage in the tap room for music, a massive warehouse for events, a rooftop patio, multiple food trucks, and a recreational park with another bar and stage for music. Only thing that’s missing to make this “Beer Disneyland” is a monorail to take you around the whole facility.

The tap room is massive, housing the aforementioned stage, multiple gift shops, and plenty of seating for drunks with company. With 26 brews available to consume, I just don't know where to start. Remember, I’m SUFFERING here… for you… hungover and exhausted. What to order with so many options?

This is the moment I make a strategic decision. Gone are the days that I attempt to try every beer the brewery has to offer. Those days lead to nights watching Three Stooges in a hotel room while consuming whole pizzas in one sitting (that’s a story for another day). No, I can't do that here… again… because that’s pretty much what happened last night.

I decide that from here out I’m going to categorize beers into four groups: Light, Malty, Hoppy, and Sour and try to order two from each category. This isn't a perfect categorization as many breweries in Asheville focus solely on one of those categories, especially Hoppy. But at least it's a start and it allows me to review a decent variety of brews.

So with my strategy in mind, I ordered my first flight… and almost immediately deviated from the plan. Look, I said the strategy was not perfect and I would have to pivot and adapt. The first order consisted of “Distant Driver”, “Golden Tiger”, “Mountain Mama”, and “Community Harvest”. Distant Driver is Kolsch showing a butter color with a lovely sweet scent. It’s light and crispy with a solid balance of malt and hops.

Golden Tiger excited me. A Rice Lager displaying a dainty daffodil color and a muted floral fragrance, it reminds me of an elevated Sapporo and makes me want to order salmon and tuna. Golden Tiger possesses an unreal crispness and is balanced from start to finish. Mountain Mama is a tasty Hefeweizen showcasing a cloudy banana color with a wheat and citrus aroma. It’s a solid hefeweizen with all the citrus, wheat, and banana notes to make it a perfect go-to beer if you’re not feeling adventurous.

My favorite of the day was the last of my first flight. Community Harvest is a Sour parading a powerfully alluring deep magenta color and a floral and sour smell. Its tartness is an understatement, yet it’s well balanced and allows the sweetness of the blueberry to compliment the sour. Like drinking a dream, I savored every sip, taking my time and searching for every single note provided.

My second flight flowed with the classic “Gaelic Ale”, “Imperial Thunderstruck”, “Hazy Heights”, and “Trail Bound”. A tasty Red Ale, Gaelic Ale exhibits a beautiful bronze color and a yeasty smell. It starts buttery and finishes with a great toffee hint. Imperial Thunderstruck is a bourbon aged coffee porter revealing a dark, deep, and hickory color and a strong malty note. The smoky bourbon hits from beginning to end, however it's well balanced by the coffee bitterness.

Hazy Heights is a New England Style Hazy IPA consisting of a gold color and more on the clearer side for a Hazy IPA but still possesses the classic hop and tropical hints. It’s sweet to start, followed by the tropical floral hop bitterness. Trail Bound is another Hazy IPA appearing with a hazy mellow yellow that's more akin to the New England Style Hazy IPA, even with its fragrant scents. It’s light and juicy to start with a balanced bitterness making this Hazy IPA a go to for lovers of hoppy aftertastes.

Highland Brewing Company is open from Monday through Thursday from 2pm to 9pm, Friday and Saturday from noon to 10pm, and Sunday from 12pm to 7pm. Visit the tap room for a couple of beers and some crunchy grooves or the meadow for some fun in the sun and grass. Or just grab some tasty bites from the multiple food trucks and chow down on the patio. Either way, this “Beer Disneyland” has everything you could ask for.