Funkadelic Fermentation

By Ian Guevara

As I finished my last flight, my phone buzzed.

Are you going to hit Funkatorium? Jonathan asked me via text message. I dont know anything about them, but the name sounds like my kind of place.

I was supposed to check into the AirBnB after my last brewery. I was supposed to relax, catch up on Stranger Things, The Boys, and The Old Man. I was supposed to finish my stories for three other breweries so I wouldn't fall behind.

“Hey, what can you tell me about Funkatorium?” I asked Olivia, the bartender at Sweeten Creek.

“Oh, it’s part of Wicked Weed,” She answers, then looks over at the other bartender for reassurance, “I think it's known for its sours.”

“Wait, this is a brewery with nothing but sours?” I almost yelled.

I can hit Funkatorium, I texted back to Jonathan.

Like I said, I know nothing, I just dig the name. Jonathan shot back.

They’re known for sours… I’m going. I type back.

I knew I liked them. Jonathan answered.

Jonathan and I share a love of Sours and Goses. I’ve stated before that a Gose was my first beer love. Sours and Goses are not what a person even thinks about when they hear the word “beer”; at least to the novice. Usually it's Lagers, Ales, Stouts, Porters, IPAs, etc. But that’s exactly what makes micro-breweries so great. Those wizards of fermentation concoct potent potions of varied flavors. Mixing hops, barley, rice, wheat, yeast, and whatever other grains and fruits they deem suitable.

Brewers should be considered scientists. They experiment and use the old “Scientific Method” we all learned in middle school science class. Brewers look for the perfect chemical and biological combinations to find the right tasting beer. They use yeast to produce bacteria to devour sugars and create carbonation. It's amazing how brewers use little microbes like biochemists in a lab.

It's that yeast that’s used to construct sours. That bacteria makes them tarty, tasty, and crisp. We owe that puckering explosion to names like Lactobacillus, Pediococcus, and Brettanomyces.

I wonder, how much better at science we would be as a nation if we just leaned into fermentation like wine, beer, and cider creation? Using beer brewing to explain chemistry, physics, and biology. Would many of our paths be different? Would that discovery have sparked the light of science like Star Trek and Carl Sagan's Cosmos did for me in my formative years?

As a teacher, I can affirm that the education system is broken. It forces all subjects to be contained and packaged like a can of processed meat. Full of additives, constructed to be consistent and flavorless. There are only so many limited ways to prepare Spam differently and they all taste terrible. So just imagine for a second if we focused our education into, well, things that are actually interesting.

Just think of how much happier the teachers would be too! At the end of every month, the teachers would get to taste the science experiments, judge them, and shower great praise on the students' work. How much more would the students be motivated to excel, to compete, to improve their methods? I think it would be remarkable.

“My GAWD,” I utter under my breath as I park on Coxe Avenue, planted squarely down the barrel of the “South Slope Brewery District '' of Asheville. Breweries are EVERYWHERE. Every corner, every block, even the air was thick with the smell of beer.

Located on Coxe Avenue only a few blocks from the heart of downtown Asheville, Wicked Weed Funkatorium offers a dizzying array of over 32 different Sour beers puckering the taste buds of every soul to enter its doors. It’s a little color-by-numbers, however. The brewery requires customers to choose from a massive list of preset sour combos, various brew combinations specifically constructed by the brewers to assist with their tasty journey.

Opened in 2014, just two years after the original Wicked Weed Brew Pub, Funkatorium serves as the South’s first and only sour-beer dedicated tap room. Its a rather large operation, with an expansive bar, cavernous warehouse dotted with tables and chairs, and an outside section replete with picnic tables and lush artificial grass.

Trish, a wonderful server with the patience of a god, walks me through the process of ordering beers. As Inigo Montoya once proclaimed, “Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” Let me sun up my process, because otherwise it is rather extensive. I sit down, prepare my notes on a notepad, open my computer, ask for a wifi password, review the menu, set up my beer list, take pictures of the venue, write down more notes, all the while poor bartenders and servers wait patiently through my foolishness.

Luckily Trish is a cultured and patient server. She guides me through the menu and helps me decide on which libations to order. I needed her help desperately. The Funkatorium menu is extensive. Like I said before, 32 different sours! I quickly sent Jonathan the PDF of the menu.

Holy shit dude, look at THAT SOUR LIST. I texted Jonathan, sending him a copy of the preset Sour list. Sours only. How? How am I supposed to?

Holy shit. Jonathan retorts, You’re a superhero, you know that?

Again these are all Sours, so the descriptions may end up being similar to each other, so bear with me here. I’m doing my best.

My first set of flights, the “#2 Brett Farmhouse Sours”, were filled with ''Eranta”, ''Garcon de Germe”, “Brettaberry”, and “Ferm de Chien”. Eranta is a pomegranate and orange zest Sour showing an amber color with a sweet and sour scent. It’s excellent, light, and crispy with a sweet citrus start and a zesty, almost spicy finish.

Garcon de Germe is a lychee, pineapple, hibiscus, and oak Sour displaying a lovely hay color and a sweet and floral fragrance. It punches with sourness and leaves a subtle sweet pineapple aftertaste. Ferm de Chien is a cherry Sour possessing a corral color and a subtle cherry and floral smell. It’s sweet, cherry, and floral to start with a sour (obviously) finish that lasts.

The star of the flight, and the star of my two preset selections, was the Brettaberry. Parading a gorgeous rose color, this blackberry, blueberry, strawberry, and honey Sour wafts a sweet berry and soft aroma into the nostrils, mesmerizing the drinker into a lull of near ecstasy. All berries are present… I’m having a hard time truly describing its complexity... It's just amazing, with a sour and salty finish. Unreal, simply unreal.

My second preset set of flights, the “#4 Barrel-Aged Sours”, were filled with “Genesis”, “Anarasa Morte”, “Sandiaca”, and “Medora”. These were all Barrel-Aged Sours, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. They are very sour. Like atomic warhead sour. Do you remember in middle school when a friend would dare you to put all the six flavors of Atomic Warheads in your mouth at one time and you did? These beers were THAT sour.

Genesis is a tropical fruit and white wine Barrel-Aged Sour revealing a fire color and a puckering smell. It’s sweet and tropical to start parting with a smooth grape finish. Anarasa Morte is an apricot infused Barrel-Aged Sour showcasing a honey color and a muted sour apricot aroma. It’s oaky and SUPER sour to start with a sweet apricot halftime and sour finish.

Sandiaca is a watermelon, basil, and gin Barrel-Aged Sour exhibiting a mellow yellow color and a spectacular floral and melon fragrance. The watermelon and sour start powerfully, finishing with a lovely basil touch. Medora is a blackberry, raspberry, and red wine Barrel-Aged Sour appearing with a Lemon color and an almost riesling aroma. It’s sweet and dry to start with a sour berry finish.

Wicked Weed Funkatorium is open Sunday through Thursday from 11am to 11pm and Friday and Saturday from 11am to 12pm. The brewery offers a more formal atmosphere for a brewery than I’m used to with selected seating, tasty selection of food (including a muffuletta?...), and a preset beer tasting menu. With fantastic service, unreal Sour beers, and congenial outdoor seating, Funkatorium is a brewpub worth making a detour and staying for a while.