One-Pack, Two Flights, and a National Crisis

By Ian Guevara

“We don't sell six packs like that,” the portly attendant pointed out to me.

All I wanted was a taste of different beers.

We rolled into the Sugarlands Ranger Station a little too early to check into our campsite at Elkmont and were craving some brews for the next couple of nights.

We pulled into a packed parking lot filled with license plates from Alaska to New Mexico. The Sugarlands is always crowded, but so is the national park itself. The last time I was at this ranger station was the year before the pandemic in the summer of 2019.

I wove through the crowded guest entry to the public restrooms in the back, four hours on the road with no bathroom break was causing my bladder to scream for help. The bathroom was disgusting. I’ve been to the Smokies many times before along with some other national parks like Yellowstone, Grand Teton, Denali, and the Everglades and never had I ever seen a National Park restroom so terribly maintained.

As I waited in line, one patron who could only be described as a walking and talking American flag spoke to a similarly dressed comrade in arms.

“Peeeee-yuh, these bathrooms are DIS-GUS-TIN,” remarked one red hat.

“Well, President Trump cut half the funding to national park services.” explained the other red hat.

“If Trump says it needed to be done, then it needed to be done,” answered the first walking Super PAC.

“Yeah, but I sure don't like standing in piss,” retorted a separate patron along the wall.

Let me get on my soapbox for a moment here folks. The National Park services need our help. There is nothing that compliments a crisp and clean beer more than the crisp and clean outdoors. More and more, your national parks, forests, and refuges are being attacked by outside corporate interests who only look to profit from its bounty instead of sharing it and enjoying it.

These are the last places where we can see nature as it was intended to be seen, with minimal encroachment from humanity. The sights and splendor I’ve enjoyed over my life under the trees of our nationally protected parks and services are woven into my life and inseparable from my soul.

We cannot allow these splendid places to fall under disrepair and neglect due to the shortsided machinations of politicians who wouldn't know a Yellow Poplar from an Eastern Hemlock.

If you care enough for our parks, please donate anything you can at this website: https://www.nps.gov/getinvolved/donate.htm

Anyway, back to the story… Where was I? Ah yes, the Sugarlands.

Instead of trekking into the wilderness without a couple of six packs, Chuck, Bryce, and myself took a short detour into Gatlinburg to the little general store right across the street from the national monument-sized Nantahala Outdoor Center.

The sun beat down the valley causing the heat from the asphalt to make me sweat from just breathing. I stepped into the store and beelined for the beer cooler in the back. The selection of craft brews were sparse. It seems the customers of this establishment only consume Buds, Coors, Nattys, and Millers.

But hidden amongst the riffraff of domestic beer sat several six packs for beer from Yee Haw Brewing. I didn't want to pay for five overpriced six packs sets of beers, I wanted a variety.

So I did what any blue blooded American would do: I made my own mix and match six pack.

Surely, I thought, the attendants won't be paying much attention and will just scan the beers and move on.

I was wrong. I was very wrong.

I walked up to the counter with the sixer, slapped it on the counter with a back of chewy Jolly Ranchers in a futile effort to camouflage my subterfuge. I quickly added two Slim Jims, a pack of Starburst Gum, and asked for a pack of smokes.

This will distract her, I proudly claimed to myself.

“We don't sell six packs like that,” the portly attendant pointed out to me, “Where did you find this?”

“Uh, I don't know, I found it like this and thought that a variety pack was pretty cool.” I coyly responded.

“No sir, we can not sell you beer like this.”

I was not going to go back to the cooler and replace all the cans, I’m not desperate, there are other stores. But I do wish that more places would allow for some mixing and matching. I know that the local grocery stores around New Orleans allow for it, and it’s a great idea. Beer lovers love variety. It's the whimsy that makes drinking craft brews so enjoyable.

What I needed to do was just go to a brewery, drink some beer, and buy a growler or two.

Located in the middle of a fork in the road at the split between highways 441 and 321, Gatlinburg Brewing Company is just the right little micro brewery to visit while traversing Gatlinburg. The round building with its distinct coned roof that towers over the intersection just gives off the vibes as a friendly and enjoyable venue.

Opened in 2019, Gatlinburg Brewing Company has quickly become a local favorite among the people who live in and around Gatlinburg. Paired with its 13 carefully crafted brews is an open pizza kitchen rocking out woodfired pizzas where the crunch can be heard from the moon and the smell picks you up like the alluring cartoon aromas enticing you towards it.

The beer menu is extensive with so many delectable brews from which to choose. Flights will be drunk! Pizza will be eaten! All will be right in the universe.

My first flight was filled with “G.P.A.”, “Breakfast Juice”, “Don't Feed the Bears”, and “Murphy’s Law-ger”. G.P.A is a Session IPA displaying a light daffodil color and a slight hoppy aroma. This beer is hoppy from start to finish with a slight sweetness to balance it out, beers like these are forcing me to turn the corner on IPAs. Breakfast Juice is a New England Style IPA showing a pineapple color with a supple citra scent. It starts slightly juicy, finishing very hoppy and bitter and yet another beer that adds to the pantheon of Ian Guevara becoming an enjoyer of IPAs.

Don't Feed the Bears is an English Style Brown Ale manifesting a mocha color and a sweet malty froth. It’s sweet, smooth, and light, starting and finishing with a roasty malt caramel flavor. Murphy’s Law-ger is Honey Lager exhibiting a canary color and mild balanced smell. It’s light and crispy, starting balanced and ending with a honey bready aftertaste making for a very tasty Dad Beer entry and definitely the perfect beer to pair with a plate of hot wings.

Speaking of hot wings, I ordered some. Crispy, buttery, and spicy, just the perfect appetizer. I took a little break and started my walk to the door to step out for a quick dart, when the brewmaster, Phil, a burly bearded man with catcher’s mitts for hands, called me over. We spoke briefly about my journey and all the breweries I’ve visited so far. He gave me some suggestions and was nice enough to follow Trail Hoppin on Instagram.

Returning back to my table a beautiful, bubbling baked pepperoni pizza sat waiting for me. It called on me like the sirens of the Odyssey, and I accepted the call. If you’re ever in Gatlinburg, the ONLY pizza you should ever order is the pizza from Gatlinburg Brewing Company.

As a desert, I ordered a second flight. This flight flowed with “Pigeon River”, “Gouden Diovelsbier”, “Le Conte Triple Belgian Triple”, and “Jesco Wheat”. Pigeon River is a Pilsner appearing with a lemon color, incredible clarity, and a slight hoppy smell. This crispy and sweet pilsner is perfect paired with a pretzel and baseball game and finishes with a hoppy finish that's delightful.

Gouden Diovelsbier is a Belgian Strong Golden Ale revealing an alluring gold color with great carbonation and a floral hop smell. This brew has a very high alcohol content and is high octane! It reminds me of Andygator from way back in the day before its ABV was cut down. Le Conte Triple is a Belgian Triple showcasing a Honey colored and balanced and muted hop scent. It's sweet and soft to start with a slight spiciness at the end.

The beer of the day is the Jesco Wheat, a Wheat Beer parading a lovely butter color and a citrus aroma. It's super crispy, starting light and airy and finishing with a muted citrus kick. A good wheat beer is always a pleasant experience, especially when the brewer finds that balance between graininess and citrus punch.

Open from noon to 1am daily, Gatlinburg Brewing Company is the brewery in Gatlinburg. The brewer, Phil, is constantly at work, applying his imagination and cunning to beers that taste as bold as the scenery surrounding this hovel of hops.